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At least his name isn't Mike..at least not his first name

2005-05-24 @ 1:49 p.m.

At Least His Name Isn't Michael, Or At Least His First Name Isn't

So I've been single for quite some time now; about a year and a half. This has been mostly intentional as it has been my goal to try and figure out what my deal is with relationships before I go ahead and ruin another one. I have been on a few dates, but none of them really went anywhere. Which is probably my fault. Alright, it's completely my fault. As my friends and family know I am 'picky' and 'controlling' and 'jealous' and 'like to use quotes unnecessarily'. Like I mentioned in an earlier entry I warn them about this, but they pretend they do not care. I'm hoping as I possibly start this new relationship with someone I can grow up a bit and stop being so ridiuclous. I really do feel that the best relationships come from solid friendships.

I met Angel over a year ago and ever since we have been slowly developing our friendship. Ultimately I have come to consider him to be one of my best friends. I'd talk to him about my job, my family, my friends and even other guys. He is one of the sweetest, most genuine people I have ever met. He has been insanely supportive of everything I do, and one of the things I like about him the most is how he motivates me. Since he also works in video/film stuff he constantly inspires and motivates me to work on new projects and ideas. He is always doing something; writing a new script, thinking of future music videos, or basically doing anything creative.

He is also talented in many other ways, I mean like he's held every job imaginable. He won his first title as Mister Paper Machet, then later scored First Prize in a Plumbing Contest, (which coincidently co-insided with his Championship Hot Dog Winning Competition) This was, of course, the year before he managed to catch a foul ball at the World Series which inspired the film "Angels in the Outfield". Later, during his short stint in DJ'ing while Lifeguarding at a TrainYard, he wrote the script for 'City of Angels'. For which he has declared his 'favorite movie ever'. I said it's just because his name is in it, and if there was a "City of Chickie-Legs'", I would probably dig it too.

Aside from all of that, I have slowly come to realize how often his name would come up in my daily conversations. Eventually my mom pointed this out to me and mentioned that he sounded so perfect and that I should just get it over with and marry him. Then I started to think about it...what was stopping me from pursuing something with him? The thought was always there. It just never seemed like the right time. Or maybe I was looking for reasons not to date him in fear of losing our friendship. Whatever the reason is/was, I'm going to try and take this risk and see what happens.

It's been a while since I've been with someone who cared so much about me...someone who sees something in me that I don't, and that inspires me and gives me confidence that I can do whatever it is I want to do. I don't know what is going to happen, but I guess I'm going to take a leap of faith that God has a plan for me, and if this is meant to be it will work out.

All I know is that for now, I'm happy and (I'm hoping) he's happy too. Here is a picture of the two of us from a video shoot last year. It's an awful picture, but I can't find any others.

And yes, I'll try my best not to delete this entry..but writing this has been difficult for several reasons. Not only does the entire spectrum of people that know me read this diary, but he does as well and I didn't want to say something I would regret. Anyway yeah...there it is.

p.s. for those of you confused about the title, the last three boyfriend's I've had were named Mike or (Michael's). Everyone makes fun of me because for some reason I am drawn to Mike's. Angel's middle name? You guessed it...

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