This afternoon I attended a memorial service for a man that I worked with this past year. We found out on Tuesday that he suffered from an extreme heart attack on Monday. His wife of only five years discovered him covered in blood. Needless to say the whole office has had a somber mood this week.

I met up with co-workers at the office at 2:30 and we carpooled to the funeral home. I prepared myself to see his body in the open casket. I didn't think it would affect me as much as it has. As soon as I walked into the room I started crying. Seeing his wife, family and everyone that worked with him there just made it worse. I only knew the guy for about a year, but it was long enough to see how awesome of a person he was. He was so young, not even 50. He had the greatest sense of humor; he was one of the few people I could 'be myself' with because I knew he 'got me'. He called me 'Boo' and I called him 'Johnny' (original, I know) It was nice to see that even though he left our company back in October, most of our company came to pay their respects.

The practice of having an open casket has always bothered me. It brought me back to when my grandpa (Poppo) died when I was 13. I remember walking up to the casket and seeing what was supposed to be him. He was covered in so much thick pancake make-up that he looked like he had one of those orange spray-on tans. I stared at his stomach hoping to see it move up and down like actors in movies. It was the first time I had seen a dead body, and it was quite traumatizing, especially as a child. So when I went in today I knew ahead of time that I wouldn't walk all the way to see him. I mean it really isn't him anyway, it's just his body. He's with Him now, probably making Him laugh as much as he did us. I have such sadness in me..for his wife and family.
I have never dealt with death very well. I never even got over when my cat died 8 yeasr ago. (he was like a son to me) I know it's part of the deal, part of the package He gave us. But it doesn't make it any easier. I felt so foolish crying, when I had only known him for such a short time. I admired people's abillity to stay strong, and not show their emotions. I remarked to someone that statistically women have to do this more often then men, if you think about it. Wives have to try and stay strong for everyone else. I just wanted to hug her and tell her how sorry I was. He should have lived longer. I know God has His reasons for taking him, but I sure don't understand them.

I guess I just don't know what to say, except that I wish his family the best and that I hope he knows how much he was loved. How much we will miss him. And how I wish we had had a chance to say goodbye. Life is fleeting, I know that. As everyone says, you never know when you are gonna go, so tell the people in your life you love them, and how much they mean to you.

Rest in peace John
-'Boo'