2004-12-01 @ 10:35 a.m.
Ok yeah that didn't make that much sense...but it sounded like it had the potential of being clever right?
..Anyway I trust everyone had a spectacular Thanksgiving holiday! Hopefully you all experienced nice family drama-free bonding moments, because that is always the case with my family!!! Riight..anyway I think I fared pretty well. I like to stop before I get the "ugh I can't move or my stomach will explode feeling" -which usually results in button-flying mass murder. Not sure if it's willpower or just the abillity to look ahead to that night when I would rather overdose on pies and ice cream....
For the past few years my mothers' family have come down from the Buckeye State to visit the Legs' clan down here. There were 13 of us who dined out Thanksgiving dinner at my uncle's restaurant. We are fortunate enough to be related to the GM of a pretty fine steakhouse/seafood restaurant in the area.
So this was year three of THANKSGodwedIdn'thaVetomakeanythING Dinner. I know there are a lot of traditions with the females making the various courses for Thanksgiving, but let me tell you it is MUCH less stressful to be around a family that doesn't have to worry about making grandma's 'Perfect Sausage Corn Stuffing' or Dad's 'Special Hot Pepper Bean Curd Anchovy Sprout Salad' where the secret ingredient is a dash of ego and a pinch on Bethie's butt for asking too many questions. But I don't really remember our old traditional dishes since in the past three years we have feasted on lobster, shrimp, steak (or if we actually wanted), turkey. (which I am not a fan of).
This year was a little different though because his restaurant actually had a buffet-style Thanksgiving dinner. Which was cool because you can eat as many can-shaped cranberry sauces as you want. That dish always perplexed me. I mean how appealing can it be? It's in the shape of a can! The least they could do it engrave 'Happy Thanksgiving' on the can somewhere, so it looks a little festive.
However the best part of the buffet had to be the chocolate fountain. Oh yeah..THE CHOCOLOATE M'FING FOUNTAIN.
I tried to eat the least acceptible amount of ham, mashed potatoes and corn as I silently contemplated when a decent amount of time to wait to dash for the fountain would be. I decided 10 minutes was sufficient.
As I approached the Ultimate Eternal Fountain of Youth angelic voices sang in my ear, "Rejoice! Rejoice! You have no choice! Fear not the chocolate! It loves you... like you love chocolate! Sorry! Nothing rhymes with chocolate!"
I told them to shut it while I prepared for my fondue feast. My plate was my football as I held it close to my chest, pushing people aside and dodging younger, silly naive little children. They didn't know their competition, clearly. I finally arrived and began to put everything under the waterfall of goodness. They had arranged strawberries, marshmellows, pretzels and cookies to be dipped. They had pumpkin and pecan pie on a separate table. As if to say 'don't even think about dipping these in the chocolate'. I replied 'don't even think I won't'.
My eyes fluttered open as I finally awoke from my sugar-induced coma with semi-permanent dried chocolate on my hands and face a few days later. The family stood around me and breathed a sigh of relief as I mumbled my first words: "please...tell...me...you...saved...a...doggie...bag.." I collapsed into my hospital bed and fell back into slumber as I dreamt of the fast-approaching Christmas dinner chocolate fountain sequel.