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The Smores Bores, and other Tales by the Fire

2003-04-14 @ 11:20 p.m.

Misplaced Dreams; and Other Snacks by the Fire

Perhaps one of the saddest stories of all is the story of three young boys and their appetite for success. I now present you the story of the ‘Smores Bores’:

It started back in ’78, a young Stay Puft and Goodbar were trying to make the best of their awkward teenage years. At Chantilly High, they met Graham. Graham was the poor one of the group. Growing up in a trailer park was hard for him, all the school kids laughed at him and called him a ‘cracker’ behind his back. But he stayed close to his new friends ‘SP’ and ‘Goodbar’. They called him Goodbar because he was rich, and he liked peanuts. SP was the chubby one, but he kept his popularity because of his wit and clever sense of humor. The boys were inseparable. Especially when they were near the annual bonfire, they always stuck together in those sort of events. They were soul mates and they hoped that one day they could make something of themselves, as a group. But then Graham blew it for all of them. He started hanging out with the wrong crowd. Yeah, the fruits.

So Stay Puft grew up and became the ‘Stay Puft Marshmellow Man’, and Goodbar turned into ‘Mr. Goodbar’. Neighborhood kids could be heard mocking him around the streets, ‘that’s MR.Goodbar to you! But SP felt hollow inside, he felt unfulfilled, so he basically quit his job at the hot chocolate factory and started selling tires. That’s right, you might recognize him now as ‘The Michelin Man’. Every now and then someone recognizes him as the ‘glue’ to the infamous ‘Smores Bores’. Who could forget such hits as ‘I Ain’t a Cracker, You’re High!’, or ‘Give me Som’ore of those Smores!’, or even their popular single, “Dammit I Just Ate Some Bark off That Stick!” Sometimes you can see the gleam in SP’s eye when he remembers his friends, Graham and Goodbar. What, you didn’t hear about Mr. Goodbar? He also had to quit his job at the peanut factory and started working as a car mechanic. He didn’t drop the superlative though, you can now find him under ‘Mr. Goodwrench’. This was sparked by his unfortunate castration on a wild boar hunt in Zimbobwae, so he decided that he should do what any nutless bloke would do, fix cars.

Next time you enjoy a warm fire and think of making some smores, remember your friends, The Michelin Man, Graham, and Goodbar……IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU TOO!


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