2004-12-23 @ 12:46 a.m.
The Chickie-Leg Syndrome
So CuppaJoe emailed me today informing me that I have been chosen to be a part of '12% Beer'; a diaryland site that links to a select few diarists here on the Land del Diaries. Apparently he is the Mayor of Awesometown, (capitol of Diaryland) where he determines and discovers new talent. I'm not sure why he picked me, oh wait, yeah I do, because I'm awesome. (And humble.) (But mostly awesome.)
Anyway now I HAVE to be worth reading...haha..mm no pressure..yeah so we'll see how that goes. I added a new button so you can check it out. Everyone on the site quotes their recent entry and people like you can click on it and read their diaries. Yes, it's a very complicated and confusing process but I'm sure you can handle it.
That being said: I have one thing that has been bugging me for quite some time. Mary Hart. Yes the co-host of the longest running 'Entertainment Show' in Tv history. I just made that fact up, but it seems close enough to be in possible. So let's just assume I'm right. So yeah Mary is definitely the kick assiest of kick assers EVER.
"Why?", you ask? Because she is THE reason the 'Mary Hart Syndrome' exists. And no, it doesn't involve paralysis of the face from an overdose of constant fake-smiling..but rather people experiencing seizures watching her show.
I'm sure some of you remember this true story from a few years ago and the subsequent Seinfeld episode. Surprisingly it wasn't because of the nonsensical and arbitrary 'interviews', phony banter between Hart and Teshie McMassive-Head or her ridiculous 'alien-crazy-eyes'...but merely because poor Mary has such a pattern and tone in her voice that it Drove. People. Mad. LITERALLY.
Ms. Hart has apparently so zealously mastered her own voice with such verocity and skill that she has managed to nearly kill people by ... using it.
I'm not sure what could possibly top this for real-world super-human powers. I mean what other
hidden powers could she possess? When you gaze deep into her dark, mysterious deer-stuck-in-headlights-like-eyes, it's like looking into one of those snowglobes. Yes, Mary Hart is like a snowglobe. You pretend you like it Christmas morning, you hate it, but you can't stop looking at it. Then all you want to do is shake till it breaks...okay well maybe that's just me...or maybe I wanted this entry to appear somewhat timely...whatever.
Anyway, I discoverd a few more over-looked future variations of the 'Mary Hart Syndromes': While chewing gum in restaurants people in nearby tables get a raging case of scabies. Those who are within 100 feet of her when she sneezes suffer from uncontrollabe and chronic diarhea. Yes, I think her voice is just the tip of the iceburg here, people. I'm not sure what is more awesome; the fact that they actually named a syndrome after her, or that she continues to threaten the American public night after night while discussing Britney's multiple marriages and the beginning of Bennifer part 2.