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Green with Mistletoe

2003-12-28 @ 3:36 a.m.

Green with Mistletoe

Well Christmas has passed yet again. And after getting all the presents and having the obligatory family fued, sans Louie fortunately, I've come to a realize a few things:

First off I am jealous of children. And not because they get more presents and sweet, delicious candy. Okay, well that too, but more specifically because of the automatic acceptance of their complete honesty. A bit of the 'Kids say the darndest things' if you will.

For instance the worst thing you can get from someone as a Christmas gift is socks. Or underwear. Unless it's like Victoria Secret super sexy underwear that has more of a purpose than the usual....

Even adults aren't thrilled with this. But we all act like it's the greatest gift ever. "Oohhhh purple socks! THANK YOU! I was just going to buy this exact pair yesterday, but then I thought, you never know what Aunt Linda will be getting me. So I'm just going to cross my fingers and pray that someone will think of me, and my fondness of both the color of purple and the fact that my feet get cold from time to time. And God bless you Linda, you did!!"

Of course on the inside we are thinking, "Good God woman! Purple socks? WTF? I told you specifically that I wanted the Dane Cook CD or the Best of Will Ferrell DVD. And despite these demands you thought I would like purple socks better? And not just 'regular' purple socks as you so joyfully pointed out, but purple socks with fake jewels glued to them?? When THE HELL am I going to wear this? You apparently smoked too much crack when you were thinking of me, or you have me confused with a person who likes CHEAP CRAP because you are out of your overly teased hair-doed head if you actually think I would want something like this!

Children do not have this 'inner monologue'. Their thoughts consist only of candy, cartoons, chocolate and any other 'C' words that are associate with kids. If a kid gets socks or clothes not only do they realize it right away just from looking at the obvious department store box they don't even open it. One time my niece Cameron looked at a few wrapped boxes, shook them and felt the slight shift of weight that made no noise and knew it was clothing. She slowly stepped away from the box with a little smirk on her face. And ran towards the larger presents that were clearly toys. We all laughed and played it off becuase DUH kids don't like clothes as presents. Clothes are necessities. Food, water, clothing, these are things that should not be wrapped. You should just have them. GIFTS are for more material items that you don't necessarily need, just enjoy having. Hence, GIFTS. Which stands for

G = giant

I = items

F = from

T = toy

S = stores.

And last time I checked, boring unnessary bejewled purple socks are not from toy stores.

So we tend to ridicule the children for dismissing the clothing, they don't appreciate these gifts. Even though we secretly wish we could be so bold as to tell Aunt Linda to her face that she better rethink her gifts next Christmas or those socks will be stuffed where no one will see them.

And trust me, diamond-studded socks chaff like a M-F.

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