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At Least I Tried

2006-12-20 @ 10:16 a.m.

This morning as I woke up for the fifth and final time, I looked down at my fat gut and said to myself that I was not going to eat any junk food anymore. No Christmas cookies. No fudge. None of the candy cane kisses that are on my desk will be eaten, by me, today. I took the pillow off my face, (hate the sunlight) stretched and got into the shower where I again, told myself that the only way that I'm going to willingly fit into a bathing suit in a month was if I "Stop the Madness"*! and stop eating so much crap all the time. Later, as I miraculously managed to fit into my size 10 pants, I again, reaffirmed this new way of thinking. I can do it! I yelled as Professor Keebler looked up at me and let out a quiet "meow". Which we all know is kitty for "Mommy, you're retarded. And fat." I picked up Keebler and told him that he was right. I am fat. But hopefully not retarded. I put him down and blew away the five million white cat hairs that were now on my face and clothes. Damn. You would think that I would remember to not pick him up when I wear black. Oh well.
I went downstairs and to say one final goodbye to my son and go on my merry-new-way-of-thinking to work.
I get to work in about 15 minutes, all while thinking about my new plan. I thought of creative ways to get out of eating fellow employees family recipes of deliciousness. "I am on a diet", "I'm allergic to chocolate", "I already had a full breakfast". Yes, this was going to work. There was no excuse this time. I had managed to not eat any cookies or candy in a whopping 35 minutes. I can do it! Only 8 more hours to go, and then I'm home free, where hopefully Angel can help me not eat. I park in the garage, get out of my car and walk into the building through the kitchen.
I immediately see four plates on the counter with a note. "Ah, a note, what does it say?" I pretended to care, "let's see what this is all about." I walked over and read the note, "peanut butter fudge, chocolate chunk bars, almond brittle and reese's cups cookies, help yourself, and Happy Holidays everybody!"
Well at least I thought about trying, and that was the most rewarding experience I've ever had. That, and eating all four peanut butter fudge squares, every bit of the 2 chocolate chunk bars, most of the almond brittle, and every last crumb of the 8 reese's cup cookies.

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