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X-Ray Rex

2005-02-17 @ 1:08 a.m.

X-Ray Rex

Today I visited my new favorite doctor. My friendly neighborhood chiropractor. In case you didn't know 'Chiropractor' comes from the greek words "chiro" meaning "cracking noise" and "practor" meaning "large dinosaur". Put these together and you have a perky and vengeful lady jumping on my back.

This visit was an extremely delayed reaction to my previous back-breaking incident a few weeks ago. I explained to her what happened; the laying on the floor for 6 hours, the fainting, the weekend o'vicodin, the cancelling of the birthday party, etc. After about 30 more arbitrary questions she told me to stand up straight so she could see how I naturally align myself. She immediately told me that my head slants to the right. Yeah, can't really say that I noticed that before. So ever since my appointment this morning I have been trying to (possibly) over-compensate by slanting it to the left, which I'm sure to the average bystander looks like I'm totally ghetto. Plus my post monster induced backcracking session allowed me to achieve an authentic gangsta limp, so my ghetto-fied Alexandria look was finally complete. My sister would be proud.

After the doctor voiced her concerns for my posture and eating habits, she told me it was x-ray time. Now, as a child I was diagnosed with scoliosis, so I was used to having my back x-rayed; I pretty knew what to expect when we got them back. Much to my surprise the reason for my back pains and occasional stomach cramps became incredibly evident.

Note the slim jim guy. What's disturbing is that I haven't even had a slim jim in over a year. Apparently he got stuck in my throat a while ago and refused to move. (note hands on hips) (hands on hips=he means business) The ho ho's and ben and jerry's I can't really explain either, being that they are still in the box and carton. Although it does explain why I never have any trash. That, and the giant rats in my apartment. And the hobo.

Anyway, I go back next week for a 'check-up' and possible back massage. I am definitely looking forward to that part. My insurance covers most of this, so I'll be heading over to my back-therapist as fast as like a fluttering wildebeest would...uhh yeah hope that worked..
Because of my experience today, I felt the need to make a new slogan for my doctor.

"Chiropractory; cracking the case of your aching back. Oh yeah, and x-rays make you look skinny."

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