2002-12-24 @ 7:24 a.m.
"A Night to Remember: A Night I'm Trying to Get Out of My Head: The Aerosmith/Andrew W. K. conert story" (cue 'behind-the-music'music)
This past Saturday night, I took Michael to see the Aerosmith concert at the MCI Center. Unfortunately, when I purchased the tickets in mid-November, I did not realize how bad our seats were! We were the toppest of top rows, beyond the 'nose-bleeds', past the 'need-oxygen-tank-section', and into the 'dude,-my-leg-just-broke-off-from-frostbite!'-section. But it was fun anyway, right Mike? "Yes Beth, it was a lot of fun, I love you!" Damn I trained him good! Anyway a fun time was had by all. Except for one slight little detail. Unbenounced, (yes that's a word,) anyway, unbenounced to me, "Andrew W.K.A.K.A. 'the worst band ever'" was the opening act. And by 'act', I mean "a bunch of posers acting like a real band". When they started, I pointed out to Mike (who thank God never heard of him) that most of his songs sound the same. Little did I know how eerily true this was. It started out with "She-Is-Beautiful". What love-song ballader wouldn't be jealous over this three-quarter note chorus with quarter note beats on bass and drums? The melodious chorus echoing Andrew's love for this ambigious 'She'. Who is this 'She', we never find out. But apparently she's hot or something.
The next song, "Let's Get the Party Started" sounded oddly familiar. I started cracking up because it was the exact same song as the first, only the four-word chorus had changed. From this I concluded that the band is a bunch of idiots who smoked too much pot, so they can't remember more than one song. So Andrew (the talented musician) simply replaces the stiggato chorus every song. GENIUS! The following are mandatory to be an Andrew W.K. fan who attends his concerts:
1)short-term memory loss (once the second song starts they forgot who they were seeing, "Hey, isn't that Andrew W.K.?, when did he get here? Dude, I love this song!"
2)major mullet factor
4)ability to get drunk in public, flirt with ugly girls, pregnant girlfriend gets pissed and whines like a little beotch.
5)IQ lower than 80
6)love of cheap non-lite beer
7)trailer park home with cinder blocks for tires
8)loss of hearing, so yells ignoramous theories about life before/during/after concert, especially when sitting behind a one Chickie-Legs.
9)obligatory heavy metal t-shirt that was outdated 10 years ago
10)loss of teeth, extra points for two front middle ones.
Other than those slight details, I had a great time. Here are some other things I would like to mention:
Now when we walked into the MCI Center, I immediately saw the PaPaJohn's food court-thingy. (my favorite pizza) Any I saw that they were only serving really small, mostly individual pizzas. I did not see what the prices were, but I was betting to myself that they would be upwards of $10. I chuckled to myself because I thought that was a ridiculous price, and I was being generous. Later, right before Aerosmith started, I went to get a tasty beverage to try and get the weed-hillbilly-cigaraette-b.o.-taste out of my mouth. (Somebody was smoking up around us). So I went to the PaPaJohn's counter and looked at the prices. I really wasn't that surprised, but a very small cheese pizza was $11. JEEZ!! So then I looked up at the beverage menu: "large-$4.00". That was it, they only offered one size, 'large'. So I said to the lady, 'one large pink lemonade'. While she was dispensing the 5 cents worth of lemonade I asked, "so you only offer one size, large, and it's $4.00, eh?" (yeah suddenly I was Canadian). She smiled, and I smiled back and laughed. Not a hearty belly laugh, but a pity laugh, really. Then she revealed, leaning over with her hand over the side of her mouth, "well over at the other counter there is a medium...but it's only a quarter cheaper." Then she winked at me, which I felt was completely unnecessary. Another pity laugh. I said thank you and walked away, well more like a slow run... When relaying this story to Michael, I don't think he thought it was as funny as I did. I mean, you can't offer one size, and declare it a 'large'! And then to top off that, there is a 'medium'. I mean, to have a 'medium', there HAS to be a 'small'. Right? Am I taking crazy pills here or what? I mean the definition of 'medium' is 'in the middle'. So retarded. But I guess that's how they "make their money" and what not. It's times like that when I wish I lived in the 60's, before companies took over everything (cough, MCI Center, cough) and the prices went like crazy. grrrrrr I say, grr.
Right next to the MCI Center is this hip-happenin' club INSOMNIA. Basically you have to wear all black to get in, have a bottle of gel in your hair, and be a total poser. Unfortunately, the parking garage we used was in the middle of this enormous line to the club. Mike and I were dressed up for the night, so the club tards thought we were trying to get in or something. I thought it was really funny.