2002-09-06 @ 12:34 a.m.
Lord, today was a long ass day! I think it's time for a story, to wind down the *second* to last *second* week of my final year of school. Today is the last September 5, that I will have to spend learning shit!! Woo hoo!
Today's story begins with a little girl. Let's call her, oh I dont know.... 'Bethie', (just for the hell of it.) Bethie is 3 years old and lives in Columbus, Ohio. The year....1982....
Cue Wayne and Garth...
'doo dallooo doo dalllooo dooo dalloo'
Now Bethie is somewhat skinny, but of course what 3 year olds aren't? But her family likes to remind her of just how skinny she is by giving her a nickname. A name that she will forever loathe.
I imagine the thought-process resembled the following:
"Oh look at Bethie, she is getting so big! But you know honey, I was thinking, I don't think 'Bethie' is a name that will last thru time for her. I think she might outgrow that name. Perhaps later in life, she will want to be known as 'Beth', or dare I say 'Elizabeth'. I think we should think of a name that not only insults her poor little body, but will embarrass her for years and years to come."
"You're right dear, hmmm let me think...how bout 'Bony Butt?'"
"No, I am a good Christian woman, I don't believe in the word, 'butt'"
"Oook...how about, 'Little Big Feet'?"
"Damn it woman! You think of something then!"
"I've got it! 'Chickie-legs!!'"
"Yes, I must say dear, that is ingenius! Not only will Bethie be insulted as a little girl, but when she gets older, *surely* her legs won't be this thin, and she will grow to despise her former self...well, I am sure that young Elizabeth will probably even have a 'fat year' or two, and yet we will still call her 'chickie legs' just to make her feel bad, and remind her that she had eaten too many kit kats!"
"Oh yes sweetheart! Surely, we are the proudest parents ever! Not only does our 3 year old little girl have a lazy eye, and has to wear a patch, she will be the laughing stock of her peers once I make sweatpants with the words 'chickie legs' painted down the leg. Oh, I am sure that Bethie will grow to love this name, and one day even begin an online diary somehow incorporating it into it's title."
"Online? What the fuck are you talking about? It is 1982, people don't use computers yet!!"
And now you know, why my name will forever be 'chickie legs' to the Moss clan.