2003-07-14 @ 3:06 a.m.
So I finally saw the film, "Scarface" this morning, well, it really wasn't this morning, more like '2 pm' but I just woke up and Mike was serving me blueberry pancakes, so shut it, it was morning to me.
Anyway, so this MORNING, we saw what appeared to be 'Scarface'. I really didn't know what this film was about, except that maybe the main character had accidently jabbed an exactor knife in his forehead after trying to get those annoying plastic thingies off of a new pair of shoes. I mean seriously, are those things really all that necessary?
"Jim, we seem to be having a problem with customers trying on their shoes before purchasing them.
"Oh no, Bobby McGeneric, I have an idea! Let's tie together the shoelaces with plastic rings so that they will be forced to buy the shoes, whether they fit or not."
"Good idea, then the phrase, 'if the shoe fits, wear it', will be even more popular than ever!"
Suddenly the creepy guy in the corner will start doing cartwheels, jump for glee, or joy, whichever comes first, b/c his catchphrase will finally take wind, and he will get that million he has been praying for. Not realizing, of course that he in fact, a crazy person, and hadn't invented that phrase at all.
...So back to Scarface, the scar wasn't on his forehead, it was, seriously a very small 'scar', (and I use that term loosely) under his eye or something. Oh yes, there's nothing more frightening than a barely noticable scar on your face. Good thinking. But I love those mafia nicknames. They seem to be running out ideas. I mean you can only have so many 'Fat Tony's' and 'Sammy the Bull's'. So then you get into the ridiculous names like, "One Eyed Mongoose" and "Leftie the Sqeeeler" Sad, really. With a nomenclature of 'scarface' I was expectig something more horrific than that. So I decided I will make the sequel to "Scarface", I will call it, get this, "Scarface 2, Electric Bungalooo" *extra o for emphasis*
I will be the main character, and my infamous 'scar' will be the chicken pox scar above my mouth. Everytime I kill somebody, they will zoom in on my scar and the music will accelerate as children bark in horror. Yes, I said bark, that phrase will catch on, I assure you.
"Close your eyes Jimmy! That woman's scar, good Lord, it's of the devil!!"
"Well actualy mam, I just had a bad case of chicken pox, and I scratched it too hard or something"
"Noooooo, get away you freak of nature. Run Handsome Pete, you too Leftie the Bulldog's Foot!!
After that, the film will just be a bunch uncontrollable looped laughter on my part, and the subsequent obligatory super-jam-out by the lurking funk band in the background.
Sounds like a blockbuster to me! And by 'block-buster', I mean 'full of blocks, that are then busted'