2002-11-10 @ 7:19 p.m.
My whole life, I have been a 'happy when' kind of person. I remember being four years old and thinking "I'll be happy when I finally get to be in kindergarten, and have homework and everything, just like my big sister, Amy" After about a week of 'coloring outside the lines', I realized school sucks!. Many years passed and I eventually started going to high school. I could not wait to be sweet 16, and get to drive all by myself. "I'll be happy when I am 16 and I can drive all by myself", I thought.
Not to soon after that was the "I will be finally happy after I turn 18 and graduate from high school".
I can never enjoy what I have going on right now, b/c I focus on what I could be doing in the future. "I'll be happy once I finish community college, and I'll finally move out of my house and be on my own, in my own apartment".
"I'll be happy when this semester is over, and I can go home and play with Cameron"
"I'll be happy when I get out of this sorry state and move to New York and start my real life."
"I'll be happy when I graduate from college once and for all, with honors.
This kind of thinking is foolish, I need to savor the moment, 'the now', enjoy the good times while they last... I have a lot going for me, and I should just have a good time and enjoy the fact that I dont have to pay rent, or tuition, or for gas. I have my own room, computer, car, tv, and stereo.
I am even getting a kitten hopefully sometime in the next year. I miss my old cat. Jeez, I hate one of my brothers' cats, Oreo. That cat drives me crazy, he is ALWAYS meowing.
God, I'll be so happy when he dies.