Biography: a true story
2004-06-23 @ 11:57 p.m.
So my company launched their website this week, and it looks kick ass. They even have a page where it lists the employees, where a select view get to have their own 'bio'. Of course I am on the list of employees (good thing), but I do not have a bio (sucks ass).
Being that it is pretty obvious everyone wrote their own bio, I am going to present my boss tomorrow with my proposal to have my own Reception Chickie-Legs bio. Being that all the current bios are relative to their position, i.e. the Marketing Directors' displays: 'Bob recieved his Bachelor's and Masters at Georgetown studying Marketing Directing, and has a PhD in Directing Markets with a Minor in Direct-Marketing, with a concentration in bowling."
My bio will read as: "Chickie-Legs received her first telephone at the age of 3. Her natural communication abilities via both cord and cordless phones inspired the nickname 'Chickie-Legs', because that makes perfect sense. She later went on to study at the elite school of Phonics U, where she received her Bachelor's in Hold Button, her Master's in Intercom Usage, and wrote her Doctoral thesis on the various ways to tell someone to hold on with the minimal use of one finger. Her theory was that the index finger has long been considered cliche, and that the middle finger appeared to achieve the same effect, but with the overpowering of authority that is surprisingly necessary.
Our company is forever grateful to Chickie-Legs and her endeavors to not only maintain the Receptionary Standard, but to raise the level of awesomeness to a level of even more...awesomeness.
All hail Chickie-Legs and her abilities to answer phones, turn on the television in the lobby, turn on the main lights, and arrange newspapers on the lobby table. For without her, we would not know who was calling us, what their intention was, and whether or not she just paged us." (I didn't)