Can You Smell What the Chickie Is Cooking?
2004-06-08 @ 1:33 p.m.
So recently I've noticed that in the past 3+ months that I've been working as a receptionist, my 'laugh' lines aka 'lack of sleep lines' aka 'forced smiles' lines have increased by 1000 percent. So I have been trying to reduce these lines with traditional old-school remedies.
For instance, I purchased one of those cold face masks and tried to sleep with them on my eyes. However I think I left it in the freezer too long because at some point during the night, it slipped and stuck to the left side of my face, and froze to it ala 'A Christmas Story'.
The next morning I adorned semi-perminent indents on my face. My co-workers gasped at my elephant-man-epidermis, and shunned me.
Stupid mask and it's pointiness...
So then I remembered seeing women put cucumber slices on their eyes. I wasn't sure why, but I figured it was worth a shot. However, I don't have any cucumbers and since I've put all my money into M&M's (I finally broke down and ordered a pound of yellow and hot pink individually), I have little money to spare for beauty products.
So I figured, wait a minute. Pickles are the ultimate cucumbers! So I poured an entire jar of hamburger pickle slices on my face. It didn't take long for me to pass out on dill-fumes...mmmm dill fumes.
Upon waking from my slumber, I found myself to be drenched in pickle juice and reaked of, well, pickle-juice. Twenty minutes of hard-core scrubbing didn't get the stench off, and my employer will vouche for that. Some people even squeejeed my hair onto their sandwiches.
However, my skin has never looked better and I swear I lost 5 whole days from my face!
(literally, the acid from the juice peeled layers off of my skin)
So coming soon to a store near you, "Bethie's Pickle Beauty Juice" 'You'll Wish You Didn't Buy It!'