2014-10-20 @ 12:49 a.m.
Diary. Fucking. Land.
Dude, I'm 35 now, mother of two beautiful, precocious (whatever that means, but I feel like it fits them for some reason), sweet, loving and sometimes annoying little girls. Yeah, I'm a fat mom too. The plan was to lose this weight. All extra 70 pounds of me. I think people want me to be a role-model for weight loss more than I do. I'm pretty sure I will lose this weight one day. But fuck it all, I love ice cream. And chips. And eating late at night when everyone else is asleep. It's nothing something I'm proud of, but it is what it is. If my kids knew how much ice cream is hidden in our freezer they would be pissed.
Isabel is six, and Amelia is two. The last time I wrote here Belle was two. So like, my genius math skills tell me that four years has passed. You're welcome for doing that equation for you.
A little over a year ago I decided I finally had the extra time to finish my degree. The only thing I had left was a foreign language. That was it. But it was four semesters worth. So I did it. Then I decided I should probably tell GMU that I was ready to graduate. But of course, because so much time has passed there was quite a few more classes to take. At first it was 6-8. My awesome adviser convinced them I only needed two. So I'm taking those two now, I will be done in a few months. So it looks like I'm on the 17-year plan for earning a B.A. Perhaps anti-climactic. Especially since like the freakin' dope I am, I already "walked" 11 years ago. I hope it's worth it. It's really just for me. That, and I won't be lying on my resume anymore.
I'm thrilled that this place still exists. Sometimes I go back and read all of my old entries. Some weren't too bad, shockingly. I began this diary 12 years ago. TWELVE FUCKING YEARS AGO. Almost two years ago my boss sat down with me and told me he knew I was miserable. He was right. I've been working as a video editor for a political ad firm for 10 years now. The hours were grueling. Like super bad. I missed a lot of cute baby times with my oldest. So I have been working from home since that meeting. I like it 99% of the time. I admit, I do miss my co-workers and "my time". Who knew traffic would constitute "my time". The only time I get to be by myself these days is when my too-sweet husband lets me sleep in on the weekends. But I'm not even conscious, so I don't think it really counts. Not even going potty is a solo adventure. I'm an adult and I call it "potty" now. Even when the kids aren't around. I tend to work at night, sometimes 3-4 am. Like now, for example. It's nearly 1am. I should be in bed, but I was going through my bookmarks and decided to see if I could muster up some words. Perhaps I'll delete this, who knows. First try in four years, I hope to do it more. I gotta go, those klondike bars are getting lonely.